OK, so here is some background information. Yesterday was Valentine’s day. I have been dating my boyfriend for about five months.
I decided that I should get him dinner, since he comes home late from Army ROTC on Thursday nights. So, my best friend and I spent most of yesterday afternoon getting things ready. I went and got two movies from Blockbuster, I even asked a guy what movies would make the both of us happy since we have a different taste in movies. I came back with Mr. and Mrs. Smith as well as Across the Universe . I put a blanket on the floor, picnic style. So when he came back I had everything waiting on him. Oh yes and I also gave him a card.
So, after dinner I expected to get my present. After the movie had been playing a while, I had no present, not even a card. I texted my best friend and told her, she seemed upset to which in turn made me want to cry. I moved away from my boyfriend, distancing myself a little at a time until I was finally half way across the floor. He asked me what was wrong and all I could do was start crying and I told him I was not special.
He tried to reassure me that I was special. Well, if I were special then I would not be forgotten on Valentine’s day. He knew that it was coming, I had stated to him before that he should not eat before he came to my room because that was my gift to him. The excuse he gave to me for forgetting me was that he has been so busy this week. OK?
Do I have every right to be angry with him? Should the fact that he felt terrible have any bearing on anything? Is Vaneltine's Day even important enough for me to be upset over? Why as a culture have we let commercialism get the better of us? Or is this beyond commercialism?
I decided that I should get him dinner, since he comes home late from Army ROTC on Thursday nights. So, my best friend and I spent most of yesterday afternoon getting things ready. I went and got two movies from Blockbuster, I even asked a guy what movies would make the both of us happy since we have a different taste in movies. I came back with Mr. and Mrs. Smith as well as Across the Universe . I put a blanket on the floor, picnic style. So when he came back I had everything waiting on him. Oh yes and I also gave him a card.
So, after dinner I expected to get my present. After the movie had been playing a while, I had no present, not even a card. I texted my best friend and told her, she seemed upset to which in turn made me want to cry. I moved away from my boyfriend, distancing myself a little at a time until I was finally half way across the floor. He asked me what was wrong and all I could do was start crying and I told him I was not special.
He tried to reassure me that I was special. Well, if I were special then I would not be forgotten on Valentine’s day. He knew that it was coming, I had stated to him before that he should not eat before he came to my room because that was my gift to him. The excuse he gave to me for forgetting me was that he has been so busy this week. OK?
Do I have every right to be angry with him? Should the fact that he felt terrible have any bearing on anything? Is Vaneltine's Day even important enough for me to be upset over? Why as a culture have we let commercialism get the better of us? Or is this beyond commercialism?
Posts
13 comments:
He should have given you a card, but I wouldn't break up with him over it. Guys can be a little clueless about how much attention women need in order to feel secure about the relationship. So wise up, guys.
I know that Valentines Day is so overrated but it obviously means something to people or we wouldn't make such a fuss. I know you pretty well big sis. I know you well enough to know that this has been obviously tugging at your heart a bit. I mean I realize that you don't want to feel like you are forgotten, or that people are just to busy to make you a card, or get you some flowers. Us girls sometimes tend to think that oh well we don't need flowers or candy for our guys to show us how much they care. We just need them. Well here's my question for you big sis. Was your boyfriend caring on Valentines day? Without the physical "gift giving" aspect of Valentines day, did he do anything to show he cared? If he did, awesome okay good for him. But if he didn't well then what are you doing and where do you plan on going in the relationship? Being a firm believer in Christ you want to look for the aspects in men that you admire. So dating is kind of like that. Of course you want your hubby to be thoughtful. So if the guy your dating right now is just "too busy" to show he cares, then why are you in the relationship? That's just what I think.
I think one thing for you to think about is your boyfriend is the tyoe of man you want or really need in your life. Valentine's Day I feel is a time for your significant other to make you feel special. It isn't about money it is about thoughtfulness. Everyone gets busy and that is NO excuse. Have you had the chance to interact with how his dad treats his mom? That could be an indicator. You have to follow your heart. Five months isn't forever, do you want a forever of not feeling special? Just a thought.
Honestly, I'd attribute him to being a typical male.
I guess I'd say if he showed remorse and relized how much it meant to you then I'd say to forgive. Now if he made you feel unimportant on a regular basis you might need to reexamine your relationship.
you seem to realize that something is bothering you and as a psychologist I would say that is good. I see this in relationships often, I have read through your other blogs and you are a smart girl. I think however, that he is just being a boy. I think that he knows now that things like that are important to you, if things do not shape up then there is your answer. It would be like dropping a boy at first argument, that makes no sense. Think abot it, would you divorce a husband for one argument? I sure hope not. There are five differnt types of ways that people give and recieve love. They are persents, touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. You seem to either be the type to like gifts or words of affirmation. Good LUCK! I look forward to reading what else you have to say in your future blogs~
LuAnne
The dude sounds like a loser to me. He should have at least gotten you a pinata.
I feel for you. I really do. You have every right to be angry, but at the same time you also have to realize that you have no control over the situation. I think we as women get extremely caught up in trying to control and mold our men into the boyfriends we want them to be. When they don't respond the way we want them to we become upset and angry, and they have no idea why. All we want them to do is understand us, but men are men, and it is hard for them to. I also was upset on valetnine's day. My ex-boyfriend and I celebrated by getting Taco Cabana, which I did not mind because I just wanted to spend time with him. I got him a card and he got me chocolates, but instead of being happy with the chocolates I was stuck thinking "gee, how nice would it have been if he had gotten my favorite chocolates?" How selfish and ridiculous I was. If you noticed I mentioned he was my ex-boyfriend. We broke up a few days later because of my desperate efforts to make him see my point of view. After two years, we still have not learned how to solve our issues more functionally. While you have every right to be upset and feel the way you do, when he says you're special...believe him. He wouldn't say it if he doesn't mean it. Don't sweat the small stuff because in the long run it so doesn't matter. The important thing were not the materials, but the time spent.
I understand where you are coming from. My whole thing was that he didn't say that I was special, I started crying because I didn't feel special and so on. I meant more that I was not thought of at all. I don't care if he got a pen or a piece of paper and wrote hi happy valentine's day on it. The thing is I was forgotten all together. I really do appreciate your help and am sorry to hear about the boyfriend.
Audblogger--I hope your ex-boyfriend knows how sorry you are about the breakup. I'm sure more is involved here than just the brand of chocolates. You have a good insight into the problem: You have to accept people for who they are, they way they are because you can't change them. But if there is something that you really do not like about the person, maybe it's better to move on, as painful as that is. This blogging is showing me something teachers need to see: You all show up in class as students, but you are also people struggling with personal issues, which young people seem to have more of than older, more settled folks like me.
It sounds like you are a very thoughtful and caring person. Are you sure that you are with the right guy? I think we are all caught up in commercialism but that reminds us that we should try to be more thoughtful and considerate on that special day. I can't imagine giving an excuse that I was too busy to think of even writing a note. I guess I am a helpless romantic but I think that is a pretty good quality to have.
First off, I think Valentine's Day is overrated. I used to get so upset with my past boyfriends who didn't meet my expectations that day. I used to want to be swept off my feet with a romantic dinner, flowers, and a gift. But now, I've given up on this fantasy. Why does the world need to dedicate a day for couples to show each other their love for one another? Can't you do that any of the other days of the year? Why only Valentine's Day?
However, even though I don't agree with the concept of Valentine's Day, I still got my boyfriend some chocolates and a stuffed dog to show him I appreciate everything he does for me. I don't consider my gifts to him a symbol of how much I love him. And I think that is part of the problem with women today. They believe the gifts they receive from their loved ones on Valentine's Day represents how much their men love them. Well, it's not true. And if it was, I think we'd all be expecting to receive our own countries to rule as a gift. And that is definitely not happening. Besides, we all know that men have a harder time expressing their emotions. I'm not saying I agree with your boyfriend's actions. He should have gotten you a card or made one on his own. And his excuse just doesn't cut it. I think we're all "too busy" to go out gift shopping, but we still manage to pick a little something up. Heck, I got my boyfriend's gifts while I was waiting for my prescription to be filled at Walgreens. Romantic huh?
So pretty much, your boyfriend should have realized how much Valentine's Day means to you, but honestly, if you keep making a big deal out of this one day, you're setting yourself up for disappointment year after year. Women need to lower their expectations on Valentine's Day.
that is true JAT
I think I was just disappointed I was not thought of at all a card would have been fine with me!
Post a Comment