Like most post teenage girls, I have had my heart broken my fair share of times.
I can name countless occasions in which I was infatuated with a boy, but only once that I have actually unconditionally loved someone.
So you are probably wondering how I have had my heart broken so many times. This is where everything starts to get interesting, the same boy broke my heart more times than I care to recall.
I think I loved him from the very moment that I started hating him. You see, we met at a weekend camp that I went on. Being the competitive person that I am, ran straight into him during a massive game of capture the flag. I refused to move so he picked me up from the place where I was sitting and physically moved me. So I had this hatred towards him ever since that day. Finally the weekend was over and I thought I was off the hook when his group left the auditorium. BUT NO, he came casually walking back in, walked up to the microphone and asked if the pretty blonde hair blue eyed girl would give out her phone number to him. Everyone knew of our little "relationship," everyone turned towards me and I refused at first.
Later that evening I get a telephone call from the dumb jock and my feelings started to become apparent to me. I secretly liked him. The 6'something boy had me wrapped around his finger and I was loving every minute of it. We lived an hour and fifteen minutes away from each other. As a junior in high school the idea of time and space still did not seem relevant to me. I invited my dream boy to the Yellowcard concert that was not but a week later. He came and in normal style left, and came back for something he "forgot." After a kiss he was on his way home and my life was about to change forever.
He quickly became my boyfriend and I knew that he was different than any other boys I had ever dated. He was smart and gorgeous and he knew it! His senior year in high school came and went and mine was about to begin. He went off to the Air Force Academy which added more distance to an already long distance relationship. I was a dedicated and loyal girlfriend, I sent him lots of letters and stayed as upbeat as possible. He sent letters back confiding the depths of his soul to me.
School started back up and I though everything was going well! He sent me a birthday present and my parents even coordinated with him for a ski trip for my birthday. He started acting standoffish and I knew something was not right, I went along with it thinking it was just stress.
A few weeks later, out of nowhere we are no longer dating and I am getting weird messages from him that consist of things he enjoys doing being single.
We don't talk for a while and all of a sudden he decides to come visit me in my hometown over this Christmas break. It has been about two years since we hung out. I get all cute and I take him to a tacky Christmas sweater party that a few of my friends are hosting. In his drunken state he tells me everything I always wanted to know. He told me that he broke up with me because he wanted me to have a normal life, ok fine. He told me that he has not dated anyone since me because he still loved me, WHAT? OF COURSE all of my feelings came back immediately. After a night of sobering on his part and us talking, I thought things were on their way back to being how they were. He kissed me on the forehead and told me how much he still cared about me before leaving the house.
False hopes came and went when only a few weeks later he was in a relationship with another girl. On my recent visit to Colorado we decided to meet up. He started talking about how she is not very smart and kind of pretty. The whole things squandered from there.
So as you can see from my very brief description of my very awkward relationship, one boy has managed to break my heart more than any one man should be allowed. I write this not out of hatred or mean spirit, but more of a proposal.
He only had the power to do this to me because I allowed him access to my heart so many times. What if we were in complete control of every relationship? Sure we all like to think that we are in control, but we aren't. I have made a promise to myself that every relationship that I encounter from now on, I am going to be more than careful about saying I love you and letting smooth talkers get in the way of my intentions. I want to love and to be loved. Guys unintentionally hurt women all the time, that is how it will always be. So, why give them more leeway to do so? Be cautious be aware and do not let him get the better of you.
As for that proposal, that is easy, all you single ladies, make a promise to yourself to 1, stop looking for love, it will come when it is time. 2,Do not fall irrevocably in love with someone over and over again, if they have done something once they will do it again and that simply means that man is not right for you. The last thing is to not date until you are yourself. You cannot be in a reasonable relationship when you don't even know who you are. If you are unsure of yourself and your heart you could possibly be the heart breaker and no one wants that. I propose not to date until you are willing and able to define yourself on your own.
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